Camp Randall Stadium Sucks!

I know the game will take place at the friendly confines of Kinnick Stadium, but a few interesting points would like to be made about that giant tampon of a football stadium in Madison.

Locker Rooms-
During the renovations of Camp Randall a few years back, the visitors locker room was originally painted pink…..sound familiar? Did Barry Alvarez try to implement the Psychological maneuver of the legendary Hayden Fry? Well the political correct-mama’s boys up in Madison decided that would be too offensive. Heck, what don’t they consider offensive? chewing gum in line?? (Another reference to Blazing Saddles). Well those pansies decided to paint it blue-prison blue that is. They painted the visitors locker room the same color as the state prison. The dark blue made for a “calming effect”. Well boys, I do believe that a certain team from a certain “Country of God” went in there in 2005 and took you to the woodshed. Some calming effect that was- UW claims that the dark blue would make people feel like they are in prison. If you want the prison effect, just walk around campus to feel that way. Maybe they should have painted the locker room red?

The Fifth Quarter-
This is a prime example of why any Wisconsin Badger fan can not tell their arse from second base. These are the same people that say there are 3 quarters in hockey, 2 quarters in college basketball, and 2 halves in football. During this imaginary extra period of play for fans and the band, they play a song “It’s Hard to be Humble”. By now Badger fans, you should have the song and the humility down pat.


The Wave-
This time honored tradition of boredom fits in perfectly at Wisconsin. Time for a little logic: If A=B and B=C, then A=C. If Wisconsin football (A) equals performing the traditional wave (B), and performing the traditional wave (B) is done because of boredom (C), then Wisconsin football must be extremely boring. If the Badger fans can’t figure this out, then how on God’s green earth should we trust them with building a bridge or cutting us open on the operating table??

Jump Around-
Fans jump around like ACDC or the Stones are in town. In 2003, students protested because they were told that this activity would create structural instability in the stadium and could not continue. Officials realized this wasn’t true, and the tradition was back in place. Badger fans, Hawkeye fans don’t need to dance around like fairies to get excited; we use our hands and our mouths. When we get excited, we may chomp on 4th down, shout a mighty I-O-W-A after a touchdown, or yell very rude and crude things to opposing players on the sidelines (which would never take place in Mr. Rodgers Madison Neighborhood). When we get angry, we have the B-S chant to fall back on. When we win, we sing-“In Heaven There Is No Beer”. So there is no sense in dancing and jumping around. I doubt you are all Pentecostal up there.

This is just a little food for thought on this Thursday night. It is time to settle in for the evening and enjoy a college football game and an episode of “The Office”. Those pregnant women out there (and their husbands) could learn a lot from Michael Scott and his birthing situation coach Dwight Schrute tonight.

Go Hawks!